I was born in Vicenza, a small town on the north-east side of Italy, about half an hour from Venice. After I finished high school I travelled around Europe and then on to the United States for a couple of years. I ended up in Sydney, Australia in 2003 where I found home and where I lived ever since. Cultural bereavement and personal Identity.
I was raised with very traditional Italian values and beliefs. Italian culture is very family orientated, even today, and the separation of gender roles continues to be traditional on this front. Much more deserves to be said about gender roles and how they impact people’s relationships, self-identity and self-esteem. My parents were very traditional and religious. I was always taught that my primary role as a woman would involve becoming a good wife and a good mother. I was taught to believe that a woman needs to look after her family and, as part of her role, she must provide balance and care for the other family members.
I was encouraged to find a good man who would provide stability and financial safety in order for me to create the “happy traditional Italian family”. I was informed that all this should be ideally achieved by my middle twenties otherwise the extended family members, friends and neighbours would eventually start thinking and gossiping that there was something wrong with me or someone perhaps made a spell on me.
My Identity
Nevertheless, despite my very Italian upbringing I do not reflect any of the roles that being a woman in my culture involves. I am now in my thirties, I am single, I don’t have children and I am very independent on all counts. The path to my current identity has been far from straight forward and it has involved numerous life changes along the way to make me who I am today.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my culture and my country and I carry both in my heart. I still identify myself as an Italian woman and my strong Italian accent when I speak in English is something that I am very proud of. However, discovering other cultures and, in particular, living in Australia has opened my eyes and made me realise that my identity was more important than the expectations of my family and culture.
In Australia, I found freedom in whom I really wanted to be. This country has provided me with amazing opportunities for everything I wanted to become. Let’s not forget to mention the amazing people who live here, who made me feel like I was at home from the very first day I arrived. I felt so happy because they demonstrated nothing but appreciation for my culture, many wanting to know more.
I define myself as a soul with two hearts: one Italian and one Australian.
I carry both countries and cultures inside me, each equally as strong as the other. I am Italian by blood, Australian by choice.
Watch the video in the Brain Guru section to learn more about cultural bereavement and personal identity.
Cultural bereavement
Our culture and heritage is similar in some respects, so different in others. I was not born in Italy, but I come from a family who left Italy for America yet still raised its children with strong Italian roots and values. All that said, I guess some American values seeped in, because I was encouraged to pursue a career, to be an independent thinker, to make my own way.
I married my high school sweetheart (a man I’d known since I was a young girl and whose heritage was nearly identical to my own). I was married at 24, had my first child at 26 and my second at 28. Before I turned 29, I’d quit my lucrative full-time job and became a stay-at-home mom—exactly the life tradition dictated I have yet was never encouraged or forced upon me.
My children are grown now, and my husband is encouraging me to pursue my dreams (in my case, I write novels, and he supports my efforts). It’s fascinating to me how we can start from similar places yet take such different paths.
Wishing you all the happiness possible with your journey.
Thank you for sharing your story Traci x
Culture, education, traditions are very powerful and, often, they represent the foundations of our identity. They can be deeply ingraned in our being as it is what we have been taught from the very beginning of our life.
Therefore the perception and exploration of our true self and way of thinking can be distracted by what we have been taught is right or wrong.
As you said our life starting point does not define our path. I will always be an Italian by heart but I discovered through my journey that my happiness was else where.
I couldn’t agree more. It’s the sum of our experiences that guide us. As long as we’re happy when we reach our destination, that’s all that matters. I’m glad to know you’ve found your place and are happy.
It is a wonderful gift! Getting to and knowing yourself, while treasuring your heritage, able to accept others. Standing tall with dignity and belief in yourself who you are where you come from where you will go. What a delight. So many are laden with guilt and continue on in a family tradition that no longer works for them, or take a job to appease family and it results in “soul death”. Although I don’t know you personally, I’m very proud you have taken this journey and found yourself! xoxo
Thank you x
Very beautiful words my friend.
Feeling guilty or experiencing a loss of identity are common feelings when people decide not to follow family traditions or the values passed on by their culture.
Even though I always carry my culture in the heart I found true self away from it.
Yes, I am Laura now 🙂
That is the most wonderful gift you could ever give yourself. Seriously wonderful!
We are many people. We just need to find the key to open those doors.
This is nice. Thanks for the blog follow.
I enjoyed this post of your life’s adventures!
Dwight
Thank u for the feedback x