You often read quotes and hear self-help gurus saying that fear is not real, that it is just a product of our thoughts and that it is a choice. However, even if fear is just an irrational product of our maladaptive thinking, its experience is very much real and affects us on both a physical and psychological level. fear mental health. To Overcome Fear you Must Embrace it
Physically, fear might feel like racing heart beats, fastness of breath, muscle tension and anxiety. Fear has far reaching impacts: it causes distress, conditions our life, lowers our self-esteem and steals our dreams. It can be one of our greatest enemies and a barrier to living a full and happy life.
Most people would tell us to “just face our fears”, to “just do it” as if it would be an easy task to achieve. Although well meaning, this advice can disregard the hold that fear has on us.
Because, let’s face it, if we could, we would have already “just gotten over it”.
The truth is that confronting our fears can be very scary. Both denial and procrastination are natural defence mechanisms that we unconsciously adopt as humans to avoid acknowledging and facing our weaknesses.
It took me over three decades to face some of my biggest fears (as I previously mentioned I’m still a work in progress).
The biggest fear in my life?
(Deep breath)…
Here is my story…
Since I was a child, and for most of my life, I tried to shrink who I was. I aimed to be less needy, less sensitive, less opinionated.
I was scared to be too much and, therefore, push away the people I loved: my parents, my friends, my partners.
Yes… I wanted to be loved, so for many years I sacrificed my true self to make the important people in my life happy.
Also, being everything I really wanted to be involved rejecting what my education taught me to be. According to my culture and upbringing, being in the corner quietly and not “shine” too much was the right place for my gender. So telling myself I couldn’t be everything I wanted to be was the best lie I could tell myself to avoid my fears and unhappiness.
Sometimes it is our light and power that scares us the most, and not our darkness or weaknesses.
For years I felt like I was standing on top of a cliff. Facing and embracing who I was felt like jumping in the empty and dark abyss… you don’t know where and how you land.
And then, one day, I woke up fed up of fulfilling other people’s needs and expectations. I decided that my thoughts, feelings and my opinions mattered and I chose to take up space. I gave myself approval to be myself which at times upset people.
In the end, I chose me!
I chose me after many attempts to find myself in the heart of those who wouldn’t or couldn’t love me.
So I decided to take that step forward and I leapt from the cliff I stood on for years.
I don’t have a magic formula to give you to overcome and face your deepest fears. But what I can promise you is that fear disappears after the fall.
Sometimes we believe we can stay safe by avoiding our fears but what frightens us persists in our lives. Despite our attempts to ignore them, fears will continue to be present in our wake and sleep.
Avoiding danger gives us the illusion of safety, however, it is not any safer than being exposed to it.
In fact, it’s a decision you’ve been making until now.
The thing is … not making a decision (avoiding) is still a decision in and of itself.
So I guess it’s up to you….
Really, you have two options: set yourself free or continue to live in the limbo of your fears. And truth is that to overcome fear, the only way out is through.
In case you choose courage, I recommend your first step:
Whatever your fear is, say it out loud and acknowledge that it exists.
By naming and acknowledging it, you shine a spotlight on a path that will lead you to a journey. Hopefully you will realise that in you, lies the strength to overcome the biggest of your fears.
Sometimes in life, we need to make a decision. And that decision may just be the door to a better life. Maybe we will succeed… maybe we won’t. But we’ll definitely learn. Just keep in mind that anything can happen.
Facing our fears is a constant battle of our life’s journey.
I believe that most decisions in our life offers us an opportunity to choose love over fear. Whether it is loving ourselves or others, …because love is “Love”. But this is another topic that deserves a separate post…
For now…
FCUK the FEAR!
Watch the video in the Brain Guru section on overcoming fear by taking emotional risks.
Well that’s definitely one way to overcome your insecurities and fears of life ….
Self denial for an existing problem will not solve our problem but will increase it. Thanks sharing your ideas about it.
Sometimes we refuse to face what is painful inside us…and unfortunately you can’t wake up someone that is pretening to be asleep.
Truly said. Regards
Truly said madam. Regards
Wow this is so powerful. It’s important to realise that your strengths should be allowed to shine, and even though it might not be an easy path, it’s the right one. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Jess xxx
When you let your strenght shine you are finally able to release love.
My pleasure, it’s so inspiring reading your posts!
Great advice and it is not easy but do-able ..baby steps..Thank you for the follow. Just to let you know when I clicked through to your gravatar it doesn’t link to your blog and you are probably losing a lot of readers and followers…A common problem..mine was the same until someone let me know 🙂
Thank you for your reply x
Are you able to advice on how to resolve the gravatar issue?
Hi Just follow these steps 1. Click on your profile image located next to your WordPress notification bell.
2. Click on Account Settings
3. Scroll down to Web Address and replace the address there with Your WordPress address e.g https:// blondieaka.wordpress.com
Ta da ….. !!! Done!!
I hope this works as sometimes it varies depending on which theme you have and whether you are a free site or self hosted
Wow such great advice! Thank you so much for sharing 🙂
Hello,
Pleasure to meet you and thank you for taking the time to visit my blog page and having a follow, I appreciate the support!
Shay-lon
Thank you for following me and so happy to meet you. And YES for me, once I let go of the fear that I created in my mind, I wondered what the fcuk took me so long LOL
great advise.
Happy to meet you as well Masha 🙂
Today I share that same thought lol
Well done for not letting your fears to become your limits x
Powerful words!! F the fear!!
Great Post😙🤗😙🤗😙🤗🤗😙
https://amicubasite.com/2017/09/05/no-more-needed/
have a nice day 😙😙😙🙌🏽
I love where you wrote that fear disappears after the fall!! Wonderful words of wisdom, glad you chose you!! 🙂
Thank u Deb x
I decided to be the love for myself that I never fully received and I realised that was the only way to never being disappointed x
Great decision Laura! One you will never regret!! xo 🙂
Fear though many try to deny it is not an illusion. It is real. We are born with certain fears. The fear of fire. The fear of falling. These fears are what have kept people alive since creation. I cannot speak for anyone else but I have battle my fears, triggers and insecurities for at least 40 years. Like the Hebrew children I wander in the wilderness. Not by choice. I have been through every last therapy, medication, hospitalization, pills, Bible study, church, Buddhist studies, etc… The sexual assault I suffered as a teen will always be with me. I have come to accept this. I don’t like to be touched. I have no success with romantic relationships. The only result was domestic violence. However I function. I carry on. Mostly for the benefit for my brother who has Autism. But will I ever completely heal. Probably not and I’m through with doctors, therapists, Life Coaches who made my situation 100 times worse and self-help gurus.
Thank you for sharing yr story.
Let me say it is an honour for me to talk to you and to have you as a guest in my blog.
It sounds like you survived hell and you still own and display strength to fight in yr life journey.
Souls like you are the ones that I call heroes.
For what is worth I send u all my love and I really hope u find the love and peace that you deserve x
Thank you. I can only speak for myself and what I see in American Society. We are taught to deny our pain. Our suffering. I find that to be extremely unhealthy and unproductive. To live in a fake Happiness.
So true. We hide our pain from others or general society. I suppose if we were to wear our pain on our sleeves we would not be able to function. At least in American Society a high ideal is placed on always being happy, healthy, well kinda like Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm. If someone in your family dies of course you get the five 5 days of Funeral Leave from your job but you are expected to immediately bounce back and never speak of your loss. You know like a painted Barbie doll keep that smile on your face. Any type of loss must be faced like a trooper. Lost your house. Smile. Lost your job and about to get evicted from your home. Smile. Dying from a disease. Smile. Lost your child to illness, disease or drugs. Smile. Like smiling cures every ache and pain or your life. Our Western society does not acknowledge suffering unless the story has a happy ending and we all know that many stories don’t have happy endings.
I do Thank you for your informative blog post. All views have value because we all look at the world from our individual experience. Grace, Peace & Blessings.
[…] Yes, I Am. […]
Great advice! My key is to get over the initial hurdle. Becomes easier. You have to take that leap.
Well said! You Take the leap and you build yr wings on the way down x
you’re absolutely right, facing the fears is the only option to let them dissolve. It’s always the same with all the negative emotions – the more we resist them the stronger they become and it’s because they feed themselves with our resistance.
Fears are the part of our ego and are illusionary as much as the ego itself. i found a way to cope with them – every time I’m scared of sth I just imagine the worse scenario I’m in, the scenario my fears are whispering to me and then i let it be, I watch it with my eyes closed, I go through it… sometimes it feels like dying… but when it’s over the fear is gone.
Thank u for sharing your experience.
Visualisation of undesired events or emotions, such as fears, is a technique that emotionally prepares you to deal with it. Even though it can be a stressful experience, as you described, it can be helpful to build up yr strengths.
There is great courage in what you practice x
thank you.
However I don’t experience it as preparation to deal with fear, my fears diminish or dissapear after. I’m convinced that fear results not from events we think may happen but from our resistance to the events which may happen. So by stepping out of the resistance (by going imaginarly into the event) we take away the power the fear has over us.
Everything that we resist, persists.
Getting close and feel our fears even though it can be frightening is an effective way to make them fade away.
Great technique thanks for sharing x
🙂
its ok to be afraid. fear is there to keep us from getting killed. being aware of it is key. i also pushed people away, but i thought i was reaching out! life is such an interesting challenge. thank you for posting yours!
If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don’t
If you like to win but think you can’t,
It’s almost a cinch you won’t.
If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost.
For out in the world we find
Success begins with a fellow’s will
It’s all in the state of mind.
If you think you are outclassed, you are.
You’ve got to think high to rise.
You’ve got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win the prize.
Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man.
But sooner or later, the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can.
Beautiful! Love it….